Don’t you know Worrying?
Worrying is my nigga from round’ the block-
one time, we smoked ‘til my whole body shook-
‘til I didn’t know his name anymore &
began to mistake him for my mirror. since then
I gave him all my best clothes
split every meal & watched his
half rot in the sink.
his cigarette butts litter my bedroom.
I smell Worrying in my sleep;
see Worrying scattered across my pillows
taste him burned into my lips.
*** A Prayer for anxiety ***
I leave bits of trash from visitors
everywhere in my house-
I pick around them like parents afraid
to disturb their sleeping child-
I like being reminded that my
friends are only human
My friend says
she had a gun to her head last week.
She was my last visitor-
left a half empty Pepsi &
a plate of ashes in the
backyard the week before that-
adds a new Pepsi and a roach
to the collection while she talks
about her brains not on the floor.
I fear I will discard a memory too soon-
that I will be left cleaning brains
with nothing to soak up the blood.
This is not Worrying, this is being selfish.
I don’t want to be selfish
with my friend's memories.
2. How Worrying will make you doubt anything
Worrying locked himself in my house,
lived inside the walls ‘till they began to rot
& I stopped trusting the walls.
The rot began to crawl across the floor
& I stopped trusting
God asks about faith;
about valleys of shadows I
shouldn’t fear but the
evil looks like me & I
haven’t learned how not to fear myself
My body begs to sleep more.
sleep locks me in a house
where the walls are rotting &
asking me who I trust,
so I stopped trusting
“Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
I am only hungry for the offerings
Worrying has left rotting in the sink; for the things I can’t control:
I pray everything from God
but my mind -- I never
hold Worrying like a commandment;
This is not instability, it’s knowing
Worrying like a childhood friend;
like a memory
I can’t live without.